Meandering Musings of a Manic Witch

At the halfway point of the year, I thought it would be a good idea to review my resolutions to do list.  Sadly I have not accomplished anything on this very reasonable list.

 I prefer to call this a “to do” list, than my resolutions for 2009:

1.  Quit smoking-again.  And no one is more disappointed than I for starting again.  I made it 8 months but hit a REALLY rough patch and picked up a cigarette.  That was enough to get me back to it.  I need to remember N.O.P.E.  Not One Puff. EVER!  I started Chantix again today and am all geared up for the wacked out dreams, but that will be a small pennance for my stupidity.

Nope.  Not yet.  I know when I quit last year I was really motivated, but for some reason, I”m not there yet.

2.  Lose 100 40 pounds this year.   I lost 30 in 6 months when I did the “5 in ‘05″ plan, so I know that 40 in one year is very realistic and if I can keep motivated can do better than that, but I would rather low-ball it than keep my expectations too high.   Walking was a huge help with that, but I need to take that first step (haha) and do it.  Once I got in the habit it was pretty easy to keep going.

I’m finally getting started on this one.  I know my obsession with F.F. is my motivation.  I need to get past this and don’t know how.  I really think if we do meet up I will just end up being seriously depressed over something as stupid as my weight.  And really, I know the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to want to do it for myself and no one else.  So I’ve pretty much eliminated “schnackies” and diet pop from my diet.  I’ve started walking 3-4 times a week and I drink water like it’s going out of style.  I just have to remember that the weight will not all fall off in a week.  I did set a goal for myself this month and really believe I will meet it.

3.  Stop pissing away money.  We know how much we make and on paper it looks great, so where does all the money go?  Yeah, I know a lot goes to smokes but even last year when I quit for that long, where did the extra money go?  We tend to eat out a lot which explains a huge part of our problem but we get very lazy “I don’t feel like cooking” “I don’t have time tonight to cook” “We really need to go grocery shopping” “We deserve a treat”.  We did hit a long stretch of time where we didn’t eat out at all and realized just how much we saved, so we just need to get back to the habit of actually cooking or at least having easy meals in our freezer.  This will help keep me on track with #2. 

Nope.  We still don’t know where our paychecks are going.  After the obvious bills, there should still be plenty left over, but there isn’t.  Maybe we need to keep all receipts for a month to analyze it.  I tend to only keep receipts for charges but not for cash.  And taking $40 from the ATM and then buying stuff with cash won’t give me any idea where it all goes, just that I had $40 and it somehow disappeared. 

4.  Continue to work on my spirituality.  We’ve really come away from our practices and have felt it.  We did a small Full Moon ritual and Yule ceremony and really noticed the difference.  I’ve been re-reading some of the “beginners” books again and discovered that I’ve forgotten a lot, so its back to the basics for me.

Sort of.  At least when I see the sun and see the moon, I do a little devotional-”Thank you for this day/night….” type of thing.  But that has been about it.

5.  Stash-bust.  I inventoried my small yarn stash and realized that I only have about 4 projects in mind for my yarn.  I don’t have all that much, but I still want to make use of it.  Some of it is 1/2 skeins and while I could make scarves from them I know I would end up trying to choke myself by the time I get to the 4th one.

I haven’t bought any new yarn but at least I am now back to knitting.  I really fell away from it for a while because I had no interest.  It still takes me forever but am now picking something up to do with my hands while I watch TV.

6.  Lower my expectations/demands of others.  Agatha is a slob, pure and simple.  No matter how much we fight with her to keep her room clean, she does a half-assed job when she bothers to clean at all.  She always was a slob and as far as I can tell, always will be.  I just need to accept that and unless Darren is visiting (he stays in her room-which used to be Percy’s) or her room starts to smell, just leave her alone about it and not stress.   I also need to remember that patients will always try to push our buttons.  No, we can’t get you in for a physical today.  Yes, your insurance has a deductible and yes you are required to pay it.  No, I will not call in meds for you when we haven’t seen you in a year.  Yes, we are running late because patients like you show up late and try to bring up 3 other issues than what you were were scheduled for.  We squeezed you in for a sinus infection and now you want to talk about your back pain, diabetes and oh yeah-you’ve been having chest pain for 3 days, but it’s probably nothing.  I just have to learn how to accept it and not stress about that anymore.  I can’t change them, only my attitude towards them.

Nope.

7.  Stop saying “one of these days we need to…” clean/organize the: front closet, cabinets, attic-finish the bathroom, kitchen, paint the girls rooms…Our Dish receiver went out on Christmas and I was off from that day until Monday afternoon.  Hubs dug out our old rabbit-ears so I could watch the Bears go down in flames on Sunday, but on Friday I had no TV.  It was amazing just how productive I was with not being able to sit on my ass channel surfing and bitching about how there’s nothing on TV.  I cleaned and organized our: hall closet, bathroom closet, computer cabinet, most of my dresser, file cabinet and cleared a bunch of crap off the kitchen counter.  As I type this we have a rerun of Mythbusters on.  Why?  I used to play music all the time.  Why don’t we anymore?  We could just turn the damn idiot box off and do something, but more often than not we let that stupid thing run our lives.    This will also help with #2 since I will not only be more active IN the house, but will be more motivated to get outside and take my walks.

Not here either.

 8.  Read more.  I only have about 2 dozen novels that I’ve been wanting to read but just don’t have time.  Again, I blame the idiot box.  These aren’t even new ones, just ones I want to re-read, like The Mists of Avalon.  And half of them are Wiccan ones which would refer back to #4. 

Uh uh.

I’ll update this as the year goes on.  I’d like to check in once a month just to see if I’ve actually made any progress.